To Love or Not To Love

Cat ran and ran until her feet burned in her extremely high stilleto, her chest was panting so hard she could hear her heartbeat, tears streamed down her face. Seeing Paris again gave all sorts of emotions inside her. She didn't know if she should be smiling or crying. 

Behind her, she could hear faint footsteps. Quickly Cat wiped her tears, she didn't want some random stranger to see her crying. The steps got quicker and closer. She turned around and there he was standing in front of her. Seven years later.

"Look Cat...you know..." stuttered Paris.

"Why did you leave me seven years ago Paris?" the question came as a shock to both of them. Cat didn't know she could be so direct, she even wondered for a moment if someone took over her body.

"I..." Paris was lost for words, searching for the right words, knowing that really there were no right ones. 

"Do you know how heartbroken I was? Do you know how much it took me just to face another day without you? Did you even consider my feelings when you left me?" Questions just whirled out of Cat's mouth.

"I wanted the best for you Cat, trust me, I had no intention to hurt you," explained Paris.

"Well you did, you did a damn good job of it in fact! And what the hell are you doing here now? Is this on purpose? You think you're so damn good that you can just suddenly appear out of nowhere, dedicate a song for me and walk to the end of the rainbow happily ever after?" questioned Cat, tears of anger streamed down her face.

"Cat! It's not that simple, it was difficult for me too to come back here," replied Paris, Cat rolled her eyes as if she didn't have time to hear his explanation. And it was partly true, she really didn't want to hear any of it. She was so mad, she wished he wasn't there.

"It's simple Paris, do you love me or not?" asked Cat matter-of-factly.

"I do, I love you Cat. Always have," answered Paris, staring straight into Cat's eyes. 

Cat was taken aback my his straight answer without hesitation. 

"What about you Cat? Do you love me? Because I know it won't be all roses and rainbows, but I promise you I will make it up to you to make it work," said Paris.

Cat was silent for a moment. She somehow felt she had the freedom to ask him that question, but she never expected him to ask her. She shook her head lightly hoping that the answer would pop out, but it didn't.

"I did, very much. Now I don't know. I'm sorry," and with that she ran again and called out a cab.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

In the dim light of her vintage kitchen, Cat sat down with a cup of coffee in her hands reminiscing the unbelievable event that happened just a few hours ago. Only one question remained in her mind.

Do I still love him?

Cat knew she loved him back then. She did, with all her heart, then he ruthlessly left her. Without explanation, without goodbye. Her days were black and she felt like she'd just been stabbed in her back by the only guy whom she loved the most. 

Deep inside, she was scared that if she gave all her heart again, he would do the same thing and she knew for sure she would be thrown into her black hole of sadness for longer than before. Cat didn't want to risk her heart to feel the same pain again. It was just too overwhelming for her.

Another option for her was Alain, who left at least 10 text messages and 5 voice mails on her red-blinking Blackberry which she hasn't touched since she got home. Alain was a safer option, he truly liked her and would do anything for Cat. 

But you don't love him. Said the small voice inside of Cat's head.

In times of confusion, she only knew one person who knew her best. She reached her mobile phone and dialed a familiar and yet distant number.

She hoped this could at least open up a way for her.