Cat opened one eye as she saw the sun peeking from her window. She reached for her head.
Ugh. Hangover.
Last night was Sophie’s engangement celebration. Cat remembered a lot of dancing and cocktails. She also remembered arguing with Sophie’s snobby friend, Fay.
“You make everything sooooo complicated Cat. You dumped that nice guy Darren, he was real cute. And that guy who had a really nice car, John was it his name. And now Nick! What do you want?” Fay had said last night.
“You want to know what I want? Well I don’t want no cute guy, Fay, nor a guy with some fancy car. But what I want Fay, ” answered Cat as she walked closer to Fay, while pointing her long finger towards Fay’s face “is a simple man, who knows when I’m sad and give me a hug, who knows when to hold my hands, who knows how to make me smile, who knows how to make sweet music with his violin, who can embrace me in his arms...”
It was good that Sophie pulled her and talked some sense into her before she embarassed herself further.
And now here she was laying in her bed on a Saturday morning, with a major headache and the worst part: there was only one thing, or person, running through her head right now. It was Fay’s aggresive attack last night that hit Cat, so hard that she could hardly breathe. Now, she had to face the fact, the one fact she has avoided all this time: she missed Paris. She missed him bad.
Damn it Paris. Why now? Why?
As she got up to make herself a cup of black coffee, she noticed her opened wardrobe due to picking a dress for Sophie’s do last night. As she walked towards it to close it, she noticed a light brown box on the top shelf. Her heart was beating so fast, she knew exactly what was inside the box. Unsure, she dragged a chair, climbed up and slowly took the box. As she sat down on the floor with the box in her hands, Ludwig purred as if to say “Are you sure?”.
“Of course I’m not sure Ludwig, but...” she drifted while opening the box, so gently as if it could break.
And there it was, memories of Paris and herself floating before her eyes. It danced, it tickled, it teased. It awoke every sense, every feeling she ever had or still had for him. It took her to the times where he had made her laugh, cry and sometimes even both. It erased the distance between them, and she felt close to him. Everything seemed to whirl around her mind like a merry-go-round.
With both eyes closed, Cat could feel tears streaming down her face for the God knows how many times she had cried this week. She swore she would never look back on Paris, but everything inside the box broke the promise in a second and drags her to a deep hole of their floating memories. The picture of them in a circus. The dress Paris bought her for Valentine’s day. The ridiculous trumpet he made for New Year’s party. The photos of places they had been together. The sparkly blue sapphire necklace he gave for graduation. The little violin keyring he gave just before he left, “If you can’t remember me, at least remember my music always C,” he had said before jetting off to Vienna.
She wanted to grab her Blackberry and reply Paris’ e-mail: Yes Paris! Of course I’ll meet you, I miss you so much!
But why should I? He has done nothing but hurt me.
Cat doubted and stopped herself from reaching her phone. As she sighed, the floating memories take her back to the time where Paris had said “I want you to be happy C, I want you to reach your dreams, I don’t know when I’ll be back and I don’t want me to be in the way of your life. This is for our own good”. She remembered being numb, being cut off, being hurt and thrown down. She could still feel the sting of his words through her heart. The heartbreak was still there, the scar was not healed yet, she realised after a few moment. As she sat up straight, Cat wiped her hot tears.
Enough Paris, seven years it has been, enough.
Cat left her scattered floating memories on the floor, went to the kitchen to clear her mind with a cup of black coffee she almost forgot to make. After calling Sophie to apologize her wrecklessness last night, she sat on her favourite place, her comfortable sofa. Taking deep breaths, she grabbed her Blackberry which sits in the table in front of her.
That’s it. I now know what to do.
