To Love or Not To Love

Cat ran and ran until her feet burned in her extremely high stilleto, her chest was panting so hard she could hear her heartbeat, tears streamed down her face. Seeing Paris again gave all sorts of emotions inside her. She didn't know if she should be smiling or crying. 

Behind her, she could hear faint footsteps. Quickly Cat wiped her tears, she didn't want some random stranger to see her crying. The steps got quicker and closer. She turned around and there he was standing in front of her. Seven years later.

"Look Cat...you know..." stuttered Paris.

"Why did you leave me seven years ago Paris?" the question came as a shock to both of them. Cat didn't know she could be so direct, she even wondered for a moment if someone took over her body.

"I..." Paris was lost for words, searching for the right words, knowing that really there were no right ones. 

"Do you know how heartbroken I was? Do you know how much it took me just to face another day without you? Did you even consider my feelings when you left me?" Questions just whirled out of Cat's mouth.

"I wanted the best for you Cat, trust me, I had no intention to hurt you," explained Paris.

"Well you did, you did a damn good job of it in fact! And what the hell are you doing here now? Is this on purpose? You think you're so damn good that you can just suddenly appear out of nowhere, dedicate a song for me and walk to the end of the rainbow happily ever after?" questioned Cat, tears of anger streamed down her face.

"Cat! It's not that simple, it was difficult for me too to come back here," replied Paris, Cat rolled her eyes as if she didn't have time to hear his explanation. And it was partly true, she really didn't want to hear any of it. She was so mad, she wished he wasn't there.

"It's simple Paris, do you love me or not?" asked Cat matter-of-factly.

"I do, I love you Cat. Always have," answered Paris, staring straight into Cat's eyes. 

Cat was taken aback my his straight answer without hesitation. 

"What about you Cat? Do you love me? Because I know it won't be all roses and rainbows, but I promise you I will make it up to you to make it work," said Paris.

Cat was silent for a moment. She somehow felt she had the freedom to ask him that question, but she never expected him to ask her. She shook her head lightly hoping that the answer would pop out, but it didn't.

"I did, very much. Now I don't know. I'm sorry," and with that she ran again and called out a cab.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

In the dim light of her vintage kitchen, Cat sat down with a cup of coffee in her hands reminiscing the unbelievable event that happened just a few hours ago. Only one question remained in her mind.

Do I still love him?

Cat knew she loved him back then. She did, with all her heart, then he ruthlessly left her. Without explanation, without goodbye. Her days were black and she felt like she'd just been stabbed in her back by the only guy whom she loved the most. 

Deep inside, she was scared that if she gave all her heart again, he would do the same thing and she knew for sure she would be thrown into her black hole of sadness for longer than before. Cat didn't want to risk her heart to feel the same pain again. It was just too overwhelming for her.

Another option for her was Alain, who left at least 10 text messages and 5 voice mails on her red-blinking Blackberry which she hasn't touched since she got home. Alain was a safer option, he truly liked her and would do anything for Cat. 

But you don't love him. Said the small voice inside of Cat's head.

In times of confusion, she only knew one person who knew her best. She reached her mobile phone and dialed a familiar and yet distant number.

She hoped this could at least open up a way for her. 

Hold Your Stare

I’m picking you up at 7PM.

Another text from Alain.

Man, he is REALLY into me.

Alain was not her main priority tonight. Sure, she kissed him last night and yes, he was taking her tonight to a concert, but there’s something else, or someone else, in her mind. She felt a pang of guilt for not letting Alain be her main focus, but she couldn’t help it, how could she not be enganged when she was about to meet the love of her life, or her former love of her life, Cat was still confused on this one.

She couldn’t help but reach for her most stunning black dress with silver sequins combined with her silk stilletos, she knew she looked gorgeous. Without a doubt, she reached for a set of white pearls which Paris gave a while back for her birthday. She was ready.

Walking towards the kitchen, she reached for her Irish whisky and poured a little to her glass with ice.

For luck.

Her phone rang.

“Hi Soph, wish me luck tonight OK?” answered Cat.

“Wish you luck with who? The handsome boss or your lucious ex?” teased Sophie.

“Oh shut up Sophie, you know who I mean. How was meeting the parents last night?” asked Cat, just for the sake of it.

“Cat, please, I know you’re not interested in that, so spare me the chit chat will you? But I am caling you to remind you to look drop dead gorgeous and to have fun tonight,” said Sophie knowing that her best friend had probably already done that.

“I will Soph, thanks so much. I’ll call you later tonight OK? Alain is here so I better go before he drags me out,” replied Cat while peeking from her window.

“Ooo, it’s Alain now is it? OK I’ll stop teasing you and let you go, see ya!” chuckled Sophie.

“See ya Soph!”

Cat closed the phone and slowly reached for her front door. One last time she looked at herself in the mirror and smiled.

See you soon Paris.

-----------

Alain didn’t know what he was doing that night. He sat next to Cat, his hands were cold.

What was I thinking confronting Cat to her old flame?!

All he knew was if Cat was to be with him, he wanted her all to himself and not to be thinking of some old love whom, noted, left her without a trace.  Maybe that was why he took her to this concert, to reassure himself that Cat was over Paris and was ready for him. Cat was still innocently sure that Paris and Alain were total strangers to each other.

The lights darkened, one man standing highlighted by the spotlight stood in the centre of the stage. A violin in one hand. Then there he began the show.

-----------

After the show, Alain and Cat made their way to the after-show cocktail party. Cat was nervous, nervous as hell. She excused herself to the ladies room then locked herself in one of the compartments. She still couldn’t believe her ears from what Paris had just said at the end of his performance.

“And I will close this beautiful night with a song personally close to my heart. A song for all of you here and especially for a beautiful someone who captured my heart a long time ago. Dedicated to her, Beau Soir ladies and gentlemen,” announced Paris confidently.

The wall she built to keep Paris out of her life crumbled down immediately. Her heart was beating fast and her head once again spinned crazily.

Pull yourself together Cat.

She chanted those words inside her head again and again, yet she could still feel her cheeks redden. As she made her way out, in the corner of her eyes she saw what seemed to be her date of the night talking to someone, she slowly made her way to the wall in front of her, ready to eavesdrop.

“Good to see you man. You haven’t changed a bit have you!” asked Alain.

“Let’s not pretend we’re good friends OK? We’ve never been one. So, what, you guys are dating now?” a voice replied.

“Woaaa dude, are we still on this? I thought this “war” ended when you ditched her seven years ago?” Alain responded calmly.

“Nice one Alain, you lied to me?” Cat snapped, she just couldn’t hold it anymore.

Two sets of eyes stared at her, one was so familiar that she blocked Alain who was panickly trying to explain the situation. She could feel the chemistry they once felt, it all came back in a matter of seconds. All she wanted to do was to be in his arms, to hold his hands and just talk forever with him. She blushed as those thoughts ran through her mind.

“...please don’t think less of me Cat, I just...I just...like you...a lot...” stammered Alain.

“Uhmm, uhmm...I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have disturbed...” Cat said feeling like a fool.

“Cathleen...” Paris could only mutter that one word before Cat ran and disappeared through the back door.

Scores to Settle

The young handsome man furrows his eyebrows upon reading the message in his cell phone. He had been looking forward to receiving a reply from that person for a week and certainly that cold uninterested reply was not something he had been hoping for. Granted it had been years since his last interaction with Cathleen, but Paris had hoped he would get some sort of enthusiasm from his first love.

After all, it had been seven years.

Taking a deep breath, Paris locks his cell phone and places it back inside his trench coat pocket. He slowly takes in his surroundings, the bustling city where he spent most of his life in until he left it for Vienna seven years ago. Things have not changed that much from the way he remembers it. The scent of freshly baked pastry, taste of Decaf Cappuccino, and the sound of street musicians are still the same.

‘L’îsle au Chocolat’.

This quaint cafe was their their secret place where they would meet after school seven years ago. Everything from the simple rustic interior to the old matron waitress had not changed. Paris had always chosen the table beside the large window overlooking the streets. He didn’t like sweets, but he couldn’t help but order the cafe’s signature crème brûlée – Cathleen’s favorite.

Sipping his Cappuccino, Paris stares at the empty chair accross him and the untouched crème brûlée before him. He wonders if she still comes here and does all this. Does she still like to wear her long brunette locks down and does her warm smile still captivate the room whenever she’s around?

Or has she changed?

The Cathleen he knew would never send him such a cold message. The Cathleen he knew used to laugh at jokes even when they weren’t really funny. The Cathleen he knew used to hold his hand and gave him an encouraging smile right before a musical competition. The Cathleen he knew was like a ray of light that permeated inside his dark and boring existence.

Paris sighs, his heart tortured. He had returned for two weeks now and he had mustered all the courage left inside of him to break the news to Cathleen a week ago. He had prepared for the worst from Cathleen and yet her icy reply tore his insides. Maybe she has changed, she had moved on and found a much more suitable man to be beside her – a man who would fight for her, who wouldn’t run off to another country to selfishly chase after his own dream.

Paris knew he didn’t deserve Cathleen seven years ago, and he knew he doesn’t deserve Cathleen now. From what he heard, she had made a decent living for herself as an up-and-coming executive in a Fortune 500 company. He would be the last thing she need right now. He would only be in her way, which was fair considering she had felt like she was in his way seven years ago. It wasn’t fair for him to wish that her feelings had not changed for seven years, even if his feelings for her had remained the same.

Paris empties the other pocket from his trench coat and pulled out a small velvet box. He opens it gently and is greeted by the familiar sight of an elegant ring with a sparkling round diamond on top. He bought it on his first day in Vienna seven years ago and he had always known who he would give the ring to. Hopefully tomorrow when he meets her, he would let her know that.

------

It’s midnight and the lights are still on inside the third young master’s bedroom of the Pelletier household. The sight was normal among the household staff, for it was a known fact that compared to his siblings, Alain Pelletier had always been the most hard-working. It was almost a cruel fact that he was born third, after two heirs had been pronounced to inherit the most of the family’s fortune. The eldest Pelletier son was a brilliant yet broken man after the death of his wife three years ago. The second eldest was a loser – a timid man with a kind heart that gets deceived in numerous occassions and has no knowledge whatsoever that his trophy wife is cheating behind his back.

But tonight Alain was not burning the midnight oil to clean up his brothers’ mess to make them look good like he always did. Tonight he has a far more personal agenda and he couldn’t care less for his family financial feud. In fact, he was looking at a familiar brunette’s picture displayed in his tablet PC. In the picture she was smiling exuberantly behind a large window of a small cafe. A young handsome man was sitting in front of her, smiling in the picture and holding her hands like they belonged in his.

The picture is dated seven years ago, and it had been in Alain’s possession for that period of time as well. Along with some more recent pictures of the same young brunette woman sitting all alone behind the same large windown of the same small cafe, with a lost expression carved in her beautiful face.

Beside Alain are a few crushed paper fliers of a violin concert dating tomorrow. Some of the fliers that had not been properly crushed displayed a face of a young man whose name Alain had loathed for the past seven years, for that man took that woman’s heart seven years ago and has not returned it to this day.

Paris.

Cocktail Feelings

Fine. I will meet you after the show, 5 minutes is all I’m giving you Paris. Don’t get hopes up that I will be watching your show, no time.

Cat stared at the message she managed to write. She also wrote the same e-mail the night when she broke down seeing her old pictures with Paris, but never had the courage to send it and deleted it instead. Now, she was again in this situation. To send, or not to send.

No, I will send it this time.

She checked the e-mail one last time. Cold, short, and uninterested – the perfect impression Cat wanted to make and sent! One minute after sending the e-mail, Cat panicked and thoughts ran through her mind. Breathing slowly, she tried to calm herself down and assured herself that it was the right thing to do. A plan had already emerged into her mind.

I will listen to him, tell him this is the last time he will see me. Kiss him on the cheek and say goodbye, turn my back and hopefully will never see him again. For good this time.

Cat snapped herself out of her imagination.

Only 24 hours to get myself ready to face Paris.

The clock showed 18.00, which meant weekend with Sophie was about to start. It was their ritual to go to Havana, their favourite bar, after work on Friday. A glass or two of their exquisite Margarita or Mojitos was their sign that the weekend has started and time to put their hair down for a while. Cat straightened up her new chic skirt and put a dash of lipstick, ready to call Sophie’s extension when her phone rang.

“Soph, I’m ready when you are,” said Cat immediately, knowing it was Sophie on the other end.

“Darl, I am so so sorry, I can’t make it tonight. I know, before you complain, we cannot break our girlie bond ritual but I really can’t. Ethan’s parents are in town and want details on the engangement and pick the wedding colour,” rambled Sophie, Cat could almost see her best friend rolled her eyes. “But do go out, I heard the PR crowd are doing some crazy dancing at the new Spanish bar down town, you’d love it!”

“Fine Soph, you are excused this time, please don’t make me wear purple on your wedding day. Have fun, if you can.” Cat chuckled a little, she knew how Ethan’s parents were sometimes a tad irritating for Sophie. “And maybe a little dancing will help me loosen up, I need to shake this bon bon,” laughter of both girls filled the phone line.

After saying goodbye to Sophie, Cat took her trench coat and was ready to call a taxi. She cursed herself for deciding not to take her car that morning.

“Going somewhere are we?” Cat stopped, knowing the familiar demanding voice she heard just this morning.

“Hey Alain, I mean Mr. Pelletier,” answered Cat politely while giving a glance around the room signalling that they were still at the office.

“You know Cathleen, you can still call me Alain, even if we are in the office. And you are going with me, you are not going to shake your bon bon at that cheap Spanish bar.” Cat blushed at the thought of Alain over-hearing her conversation. “We are going for dinner,” ordered Alain with his stern tone.


“I don’t think it’s such a good- ”

“It is a good idea, and you know I don’t take no for an answer, I thought you learn your lesson after all these times knowing me,” replied Alain calmly yet so full of authority.

Who does he think he is? Ordering me around.

Even with that thought in mind, Cat couldn’t help but gathered her things and followed Alain to the parking lot.

-----------

“I thought we were going for dinner,” Cat said in confusion. “This, I’m sure is your apartment, not a restaurant, unless of course they transformed it.”

 “Good memory Cathleen, this is my  apartment and besides who said anything about dinner in a restaurant. I’m cooking for you,” answered Alain in his convincing tone.

There is something soothing and comfortable about his voice, Cat then shaked out the thought as she faced the reality of dinner at a guy’s appartment, and not just any guy, but Alain.

As they entered Alain’s apartment on the tenth floor, Cat couldn’t help but be awed by the city light she could see. She studied the place and it looked exactly the same as the last time she was here for New Year’s party that Sophie managed to drag her into.

“Red wine?” offered Alain. Cat just nodded silently.

Alain started cooking and Cat found it surprisingly easy to talk, laugh, and share her thoughts with him. Since when did he become so easy to talk to?

An hour later he served a juicy medium-rare steak with the most delicious butter sauce. They ate while continuing their conversation, taking a sip of their almost finished red wine. Alain laughed at her lively, humorous stories while Cat listened to his deep thoughts and opinions.

“And this is dessert...” said Alain as he proudly presented two portions of crème brûlée. “Bought from L’îsle au Chocolat, which I believe is your favourite patisserie.”

“How did you know?” Cat asked curiously while taking a spoon of her heavenly crème brûlée. Alain answered just by raising his right eyebrow while giving her a mysterious smile.

The evening continued to be lovely and charming in a way Cat never expected. They listened to smooth jazz music which Alain perfectly selected. Another red wine was opened and more conversations were exchanged as they perched on his soft sofa. Alain moved closer to Cat and somehow they were entwined in a kiss.

Was it the candles lit around the room? Was it the glasses of wine they drank? Cat didn’t know what it was exactly that made his kiss to be soft and left a tingling sensation all over her body. She smiled, approving his action. She felt like a teenager once again.

“What was that for?”

“Cathleen...I like you. I’ve been dropping hints,” started Alain, there was more softness in his voice this time.

“Well, if you mean hints are ordering and forcing me...” stuttered Cat while giving a nervous laugh.

“Just listen out Cathleen, I have always liked you, but you...you just never seem to be interested in me,” continued Alain. “So, I would like to ask you for a proper date, tomorrow, please just say yes, give me a chance.” 

Cat felt her head spinned around crazily. Of course, she liked him. Who doesn’t? Smart and handsome, every girl in this town would do anything to be in Cat’s position. She admired him all through high school until now, though she has never considered her feelings for him beyond admiration.

“This is two VIP tickets, I know how much you love classical music, so tomorrow I’ll pick you up at 19.00,” explained Alain, looking straight through Cat’s eyes. Cat blushed as he looked at her so intensively. “I think you’ll love it, they have this guy playing the violin, I think you should know him, he went to the same high school as us I think, Paris something.”

Alain continued to ramble about the orchestra and the pieces that would be played, but Cat’s heart stopped beating for a second. She was thrilled that Alain asked her out for a date, but she was panicked and frustrated at the prospect place of their date.

“Uuuh, sure...” responded Cat.

 Then the rest of the night seemed blurry. Alain seemed happy by her response although she refused to be taken back home and preferred the taxi. Thoughts ran through her mind and she just wasn’t able to figure things out. All she knew was she was in a deep mess. 

Autumn in My Heart

It was September. Silent chills of autumn swept the city as the leaves started to change its forms and colors. All the vibrant colors of spring had vanished and were replaced by shades of red and yellow, if not brown. In a month all the leaves would have withered away, unable to withstand nature’s preparation for a quiet winter slumber.

A terracotta-colored leaf landed upon Cat’s cheek. Cat brushed it away gently and continued to tread on the usual commuting path to work. Even though she was wearing a crimson trench-coat over her power suit, the chills still found a way to make her shiver underneath. A cup of the decaf green tea latte she was holding on her right hand provided little source of warmth but it will do for the time being. To distract herself from the cold, Cat allowed her brain to replay all her plans that she had made for today.

“You’re still not good with cold weather, Cathleen.”

A silky voice interrupted Cat’s thoughts, as they dispersed in midair. The voice had a deep sharp edge and a teasing tone. A sense familiarity washed over Cat as she turned around and had her assumptions confirmed.

Sure enough, a pair of familiar dark eyes observed Cat’s face amusedly as a smirk formed on the otherwise stunningly perfect face. The wind played slightly with the person’s wavy brown locks. Yes, the sound came from that beautiful man dressed in an elegant business suit, leaning on a posh black Aston Martin.

Cat held her breath nervously and forced a smile. “Good morning, Mr. Pelletier.” she greeted as politely as she could.

The young man gave a slight frown. “Why so formal so early in the day? I think you know me well enough to call me by my given name.”

Cat chuckled, “Well, I can’t possibly call the CEO’s son by his given name so-”

“Correct me if I’m wrong” the man cut in “But I don’t recall seeing this pathway as the Pelletier Tower and I don’t think the people here look anything like the staff in Pelletier Enterprise.”

“Well, that’s true but-“

“Then we’re not at work. So it means you can call me by any name you so desire.” he smiled playfully.

Cat cleared her throat. She wasn’t going to win this battle by any chance. In all the ten years she had known him, she had not won a single banter. “Okay then. Good morning…. Alain.”

“That’s more like it.” Alain Pelletier gave an approving nod and in a swift elegant move, opened the passenger’s door of his posh ride. “You made me wait long enough. Hop in or we won’t be able to make it to the office in time.”

“I’d rather not.” Cat said quickly. “The last time I arrived at work in your Ferrari, my boss and friends had a field day about it. Thank you for the generous offer but I don’t want a second chance to kill my social life.”

“It wasn’t a request, and we know I don’t like repeating myself.” Alain gazed at her calmly, but the words that came out from his mouth were superior and imposing. It reflected none of the gentleness in his expression. Alain quickly grabbed Cat’s wrist and pulled her into the car. The moment she was seated, the tone of his voice changed again. This time gentler –the tone he uses in his everyday conversation with everyone else. “So just sit back and enjoy okay.” He smirked as he closed the door.

*****

There goes my social life.

Cat sighed heavily as she stared into her computer screen, trying her best to ignore her workmates forming circles behind her. She could feel the cold jealous stares from her female coworkers. They should very well be giving her death threat notes by tomorrow.

Alain Pelletier was the third son of the Pelletier Enterprise CEO. Young, charismatic, and extremely intelligent, Alain was the most desired bachelor in her building and perhaps in the elite social circle. He was only one year her senior and now he’s the VP of Pelletier Media, a subsidiary of Pelletier Enterprise and Cat’s current workplace.

“Morning, gorgeous!” Sophie greeted merrily as she situated herself on her work station right beside Cat.

“Morning, Soph…” Cat half-groaned her reply. All the positive energy she had this morning were swept away the moment she had stepped inside the fancy Aston Martin.

Sophie threw a questioning look at her and gave a smile, “And here I thought that getting a ride to work in Alain Pelletier’s ride would cheer you up after what happened in my engagement party.”

“He’s my senior at high school, Soph. He used to tease me a lot at school.” Cat said with a hushed voice. “If anybody at work knew, they would think that I got my job through my connections to him, nobody would take me seriously and I will never get that promotion.”

“I think you’re being too dramatic here, Cat. You earned this job – and that long overdue promotion.” Sophie replied firmly. “He was just being nice you know, taking his junior to work. It doesn’t hurt that you both go to the same office.”

Cat was about to open her mouth and voice another protest when she heard the voices coming from three cubicles on her left.

“Did you hear? Paris Sinclair is coming to town for a two-night concert at the Ensemble Hall!”

Cat turned around and found her coworker Bianca talking on her cell excitedly. Bianca went on and on about how the tickets were sold out since yesterday. While Bianca was busy mourning the fact that she was not going to see the handsome violinist in person, Cat felt every system in her body crash just by the simple mention of Paris’ name. His name still had that effect on her even after seven years of his departure.

Cat opened her Blackberry and slowly opened the email. "Hi C, I'm back in town for a visit in a week. I need to see you. Love, P"

It was until then that she realized that there was a document attached to the email. Inserted was a front-row ticket to a concert taking place later tomorrow. Cat heaved another sigh just looking at it, butterflies churning inside her stomach.

Cat wasn’t ready to meet Paris. Not under this circumstances. He was a rising star, living his dream. She was a complete nobody, failed in living her dreams thanks to the cold shoulder of the universe.

But why is it that every fiber of her being is screaming ecstatically at the prospect of seeing him? This time in person – not in front of a television screen.

Taking a deep breath, Cat felt like she had made up her mind. She pressed the menu button and pressed ‘Reply to Email’.

Floating Memories

Cat opened one eye as she saw the sun peeking from her window. She reached for her head.

Ugh. Hangover.

Last night was Sophie’s engangement celebration. Cat remembered a lot of dancing and cocktails. She also remembered arguing with Sophie’s snobby friend, Fay.

“You make everything sooooo complicated Cat. You dumped that nice guy Darren, he was real cute. And that guy who had a really nice car, John was it his name. And now Nick! What do you want?” Fay had said last night.

“You want to know what I want? Well I don’t want no cute guy, Fay, nor a guy with some fancy car. But what I want Fay, ” answered Cat as she walked closer to Fay, while pointing her long finger towards Fay’s face “is a simple man, who knows when I’m sad and give me a hug, who knows when to hold my hands, who knows how to make me smile, who knows how to make sweet music with his violin, who can embrace me in his arms...”

It was good that Sophie pulled her and talked some sense into her before she embarassed herself further.

And now here she was laying in her bed on a Saturday morning, with a major headache and the worst part: there was only one thing, or person, running through her head right now. It was Fay’s aggresive attack last night that hit Cat, so hard that she could hardly breathe. Now, she had to face the fact, the one fact she has avoided all this time: she missed Paris. She missed him bad.

Damn it Paris. Why now? Why?

As she got up to make herself a cup of black coffee, she noticed her opened wardrobe due to picking a dress for Sophie’s do last night. As she walked towards it to close it, she noticed a light brown box on the top shelf. Her heart was beating so fast, she knew exactly what was inside the box. Unsure, she dragged a chair, climbed up and slowly took the box. As she sat down on the floor with the box in her hands, Ludwig purred as if to say “Are you sure?”.

“Of course I’m not sure Ludwig, but...” she drifted while opening the box, so gently as if it could break.

And there it was, memories of Paris and herself floating before her eyes. It danced, it tickled, it teased. It awoke every sense, every feeling she ever had or still had for him. It took her to the times where he had made her laugh, cry and sometimes even both. It erased the distance between them, and she felt close to him. Everything seemed to whirl around her mind like a merry-go-round.

With both eyes closed, Cat could feel tears streaming down her face for the God knows how many times she had cried this week. She swore she would never look back on Paris, but everything inside the box broke the promise in a second and drags her to a deep hole of their floating memories. The picture of them in a circus. The dress Paris bought her for Valentine’s day. The ridiculous trumpet he made for New Year’s party. The photos of places they had been together. The sparkly blue sapphire necklace he gave for graduation. The little violin keyring he gave just before he left, “If you can’t remember me, at least remember my music always C,” he had said before jetting off to Vienna.

She wanted to grab her Blackberry and reply Paris’ e-mail: Yes Paris! Of course I’ll meet you, I miss you so much!

But why should I? He has done nothing but hurt me.

Cat doubted and stopped herself from reaching her phone. As she sighed, the floating memories take her back to the time where Paris had said “I want you to be happy C, I want you to reach your dreams, I don’t know when I’ll be back and I don’t want me to be in the way of your life. This is for our own good”. She remembered being numb, being cut off, being hurt and thrown down. She could still feel the sting of his words through her heart. The heartbreak was still there, the scar was not healed yet, she realised after a few moment. As she sat up straight, Cat wiped her hot tears.

Enough Paris, seven years it has been, enough.

Cat left her scattered floating memories on the floor, went to the kitchen to clear her mind with a cup of black coffee she almost forgot to make. After calling Sophie to apologize her wrecklessness last night, she sat on her favourite place, her comfortable sofa. Taking deep breaths, she grabbed her Blackberry which sits in the table in front of her.

That’s it. I now know what to do.

Beau Soir

Cat heaved a long sigh as she closed the apartment door behind her.  After getting stuck for two hours in the terrible traffic, she was home at last. She had somehow miraculously get her tons and tons of work done before the clock strikes seven – which was a record for her considering her evil witch of a boss Samantha usually works her up until nine.

It had been one of the longest days in her life, and she needed a good dose of chamomile tea – stat!

Slowly, Cat removed her tan trench coat and gently hung it on the hanger right beside the door. The coat was a little wet, thanks to a light drizzle that welcomed her home when she stepped out of the car just a few minutes earlier.  A gentle purring voice greeted Cat as soon as she entered her living room. Ludwig, her lovable cat, was rubbing his head on Cat’s legs and begging for Cat’s attention.

“Sorry I’m late. Got you some treats though, Lou.” Cat smiled and lifted up a plastic bag from the grocery store, filled with tuna-flavored cat food that was her Ludwig’s favorite. Ludwig meowed in delight at the sight of the canned goods.

Cat walked to the kitchen and grabbed the can opener from her kitchen cabinet. She opened the can and poured its contents to Ludwig’s bowl. It didn’t take a second until Ludwig showed up and wolfed down the food happily.

“Slow down, boy.” Cat chuckled as she poured some hot water into a mug and placed a chamomile tea bag inside.

The sweet scent of chamomile slowly filled up her small kitchen. Cat closed her eyes and felt every joint in her body screaming in agony. She had been experiencing the same pain for two years now, and life shows no sign of slowing down. If she wanted to get a promotion before she hits 25 by the end of this year, she has to earn it by working like a horse to impress the crazily demanding Samantha Fuller. Even if it costs her her sanity, her social life, and her love life!

All her friends might be on a race to get married before they turn 25. However, Cat knew that love was not a part of the deal when she signed up for this.

As Cat waited for the chamomile to settle in her cup, she reached for her purse and pulled out her Blackberry. She typed a few things to do on her mobile planner for tomorrow, so she won’t forget what she needs to do.  She then checked her email and found out that her boss had simply replied:

'As attached. Should be done by 24^th. Thx’

Cat sighed, feeling a strong urge to grab a baseball bat and smash her Blackberry to smithereens. The only thing that held her back was her good sense. A Blackberry isn’t cheap and her whole life is in that device. She couldn’t afford to lose it just because her boss demanded her to revise the designs (that she had made after four hours of staring into the tablet PC) only after less than fifteen minutes of reviewing it! And now Samantha wants Cat to revise everything before the day after tomorrow!

“I sooo deserve this promotion.” Cat said bitterly as she took a sip on her chamomile tea. Usually the tea works wonders to calm her nerves. But the magic seems to have disappeared tonight. Cat found herself still upset, thanks to Samantha’s email.

‘Maybe I could just erase it and pretend I never got her e-mail…’ Cat plotted and an evil grin emerged on her tired face.

Cat grabbed her Blackberry and opened the Inbox. It was then that she again saw the email she received earlier that day. The email that clouds her mood even more than Samantha’s constant nagging. The email from a man she wishes to have forgotten after all these years. That man is the last thing she needed in a time like this.

But then again, how can you forget your first love?

-------

Cat remembered everything as if it happened yesterday.

It all started ten years ago. It was only a day after Cat and her family moved to this big city and Cat was already having trouble fitting in. She had hated leaving her friends back in her hometown thanks to her father getting a job in the city.

Cat remembered having a fit about the whole moving thing and went to the park to clear her head. She was sulking on her own at the swing when she heard an enchanting sound. That gentle sound was floating with the spring wind, like delicate snowflakes falling to the ground. A peculiar sense of grace enveloping its each rippling notes. Like the oceans tide, it came and it left, leaving an indistinctable path.

Slowly, like a moth drawn to flame, Cat followed the sound until it led her to a figure of a young man who held a small stringed instrument under his chin while his hands breathed life to the instrument with every stroke he took. Cat had only seen the instrument on books and television, but identified it as a violin. She had never known such delicate melody would come from a violin.

After the song ended, Cat couldn’t help but give an applause and such reaction turned the young man’s head towards her. His eyes were the most amazing shade of blue, much like the glorious blue sky behind him. But those eyes reflected loneliness and deep sadness that she couldn’t put her hand into.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Cat stopped clapping. “It was truly the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear that.” The young man replied, the tone of his voice a handsome baritone.

Cat’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“My music is not as refined as you think.” The young man replied again “I still have a long way to go.”

Cat gave a slight frown. “What song did you just play?”

Not expecting that question, the young man paused before giving his reply, “Debussy’s ‘Beau Soir’”

“Well I think it’s beautiful.” Cat smiled. “Sometimes, you have to learn to accept compliments, and be grateful that you are still able to play such beautiful music. Rather than striving to be better all the time, have you ever taken some time to reflect and be satisfied at how far you have progressed?”

The young man fell silent upon Cat’s reply. Cat inwardly cursed herself for speaking up her mind without thinking again. She didn’t even know this guy and she’s giving him a hard time already.

Cat cleared her throat and flashed an awkward grin “Anyway my name is Cathleen, but everybody calls me Cat. I hate it though. It makes me sound like an animal.”

“My name is Paris.”

That’s how it all started. Nobody knew how that awkward encounter in the park was the start of an ill-fated love story that never had a chance to truly blossom. Cat had to accept the bitter fact that her first love had left her for a music scholarship in Vienna only three years after their meeting.

And now that he will be returning, Cat couldn’t help but wonder if he had remained the same throughout the years or if the music had gone into his head.

Personally Cat would have preferred if he would stay as the boy in her memories of that beautiful fateful evening - beau soir.